How To Calm Your Brain When Your Child Is Injured

“Mom, I’ve hurt myself.  I’m bleeding and I need you to come pick me up.” 

Those are the words that no mother (or father) wants to hear when their 12-year-old child is out riding a bicycle in the neighborhood.

And yet, those are the words I did hear yesterday right after lunchtime.

Immediately my brain went in a million different directions.  “Did you get hit by a car?” I asked.  “What happened?  Where are you?  We are on our way!”

My son explained over his cell phone that no, he hadn’t been hit by a car… rather, he’d managed to shred up the top of his finger when he accidentally bicycled too close to a stone bollard on a side street not far from our house. “It’s a pretty deep cut so I can’t really ride my bike home. There’s a lot of blood.” 

Oh gosh… this kid and fingers!  My brain swiveled to memories of that time 3 years ago when he’d cut off the top of one finger while baking a pecan pie; or the time when he was 3 years old when his fingers got slammed in the front door. Being an athletic type of guy, this is a child that consistently takes risks and gets hurt. Ugh!

As I remembered these incidents I could feel the physiological effects of stress building up. My pulse quickened, my heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears; I began to get a little bit sweaty and I found that I was breathing faster.  “Hurry!” I told my husband as he jumped into our truck.

My brain had plummeted into its more primitive state; my prefrontal cortex was nowhere to be found.  I was in full-on fight-flight-freeze mode as the supercomputer inside of my skull examined all of the possible worst case scenarios. 

“Will he need stitches?  Will he need antibiotics? Will we need to go into a doctor’s office (during COVID)?  Will they send us to the ER?  Will we be exposed to COVID-19?  Will he be okay? Will we be okay?”

Within a few minutes, we had my son back at home.

Once I could actually see his hand for myself, I understood that all of these worries that my brain had tried on for size were indeed legitimate possibilities.  It was a fairly decent sized gash, twisted and bloody.  Part of the skin on his finger looked macerated.  “Wow,” I said. “How did you manage to do this while riding your bike? That’s… impressive.”

I got my boy cleaned up and bandaged and then we waited for the pediatric office to return my call.  It took a long time. My son went to his room to text his best friend.

I could feel my brain spinning and swirling.  It was still looping on all of the possible worst case scenarios. I felt a little dizzy.

This is when my prefrontal cortex decided to show up (at last!) and remind me that hey - I’m a life coach!  I actually know what to do in situations like this; I have been trained and certified to use my brain in the most effective way possible.

I sat down to do some journaling and focus on what I was feeling.  After scribbling for a few minutes I realized that there were three main emotions: Anxiety.  Stress!  Fear.  

Next, I was able to pinpoint what I would RATHER be feeling in the situation… Strength. Calm. Resolve!

What kind of a mindset would get me to strength at this moment, with so much outside of my control?

I used a variety of coaching tools to clean up my thinking. Finally, I had a breakthrough.

“I can still help him,” I realized.  “I may not know how to stitch up a human hand, and I may not be able to prescribe him medicine or protect him from COVID… but I can still help my son at this moment.”

That made me curious. What could I do to help right now?

Calling down the hall to my son I asked, “Buddy, are you hungry?”

“I’m starving, Mom!” he admitted. “I haven’t had lunch yet!”

So that was step one.  I could begin to help my son by feeding him lunch while we waited for the pediatrician to call us.  After cooking I made a list of eight more ways in which I could help my son, and realized that there was plenty of value I could still provide.

The most important one I came up with?  “I can help him by keeping a level head.”

By the time the pediatrician finally called us for the tele-health appointment I felt legitimately calm, strong and resolved.  

The doctor looked carefully at photos I had sent to her office and she came up with an excellent treatment plan.  She and I were able to have a reasonable, relaxed and intelligent conversation about my son’s injury because my brain was no longer freaking out.  We weighed the pros and cons of a systemic antibiotic. I took notes on her recommendations and by the time we signed off, I knew exactly what to do to get him back to health and I felt confident that I could do it!

In the end, I helped my son AND I helped myself yesterday by moving from anxious and stressed to calm and steady.

This is just one example of the countless ways in which life coaching helps me on a daily basis.  

If you ever find yourself struggling in the middle of an unexpected situation with one of your children I recommend that, before making any big decisions, you tune into your emotions.  You can do this by taking a breath, walking, meditating, journaling…)  and pinpointing what you’re feeling.  

When you can put a name to what you’re experiencing emotionally, you will know whether you are making decisions for your family from a healthy, constructive place. 

Are you coming from fear?  Are you feeling peace?  Is this stress?  Is it love?  Deep down, you’ll know. 

Once you figure this part out, it becomes a lot easier to create a healthy mindset and take actions that are going to result in good things for your family; for you; and for anyone you encounter along the way!

If you need help with this, mama, please do reach out.  I have real answers, tools and strategies.  I would love to support you! 

Interested in working with me? I coach women! Drop a note to hello@thinktothrivecoaching.com to tell me about the kind of support you need.