Manage Your Sphere Plus ONE Extra Thing!

I haven’t seen my 82 year old mother in weeks now, even though she lives just 5 blocks away.  Ever since California Governor Gavin Newsom advised adults 65+ to stay at home, Mom has followed orders.

We speak every day on the telephone for up to an hour. Last week I ran an errand for her, and recently my brother brought groceries and left them outside of her door. A few days ago I walked to her house and we waved to each other and smiled, separated by the window. Keeping Mom safe during COVID-19 has become a central mission in my family… for the four of her children that remain, she is absolutely our national treasure.   

My big sister, a genius quilter and crafter, is busy sewing scores of face masks to donate to local hospitals.  Her washable cotton masks fit over the personal protective equipment (PPE) that doctors and nurses are legally required to wear - which they are quickly running out of - and will help those masks last longer.  It’s not a perfect situation but she was asked to do this by two of her close friends that are nurses. She is working hard and doing whatever she can to help!

I myself don’t have a sewing machine or fabric… however I too am focused on doing what I can. I’ve opened up a bunch of additional online session time slots to coach as many people as I can who need help or support right now; anyone dealing with anxiety or stress… plus anyone who wants to take this sudden, unexpected downturn in the economy as an opportunity to reinvent themselves and realize their life goals and dreams.  

It isn’t as practical as sewing face masks or delivering food to an Emergency Room (looking into how to do that!) but it’s something I can do right away to help. Several of my clients are physicians or nurses and it feels really good to offer emotional and psychological support to people who are marching off to the front lines of this battle with COVID-19 every day. If I can lighten their load even a tiny bit, that’s everything to me. I’m also making short inspirational videos and writing blog posts that can be passed around.  

The magnitude of COVID-19 may seem vast and overwhelming; but there is a very simple strategy that we can all follow, no matter who we are, to get the best results possible right now.  That strategy is called Manage Your Sphere… plus ONE extra thing.

“What’s my sphere?” you may ask, “And how do I manage it?”

Your sphere of influence is what you can actually see, touch and have an immediate effect upon. For many of us, that might be one room right now… one apartment.

Managing it might be simply washing up your dishes after you’ve made lunch. It could be doing laundry for your kids, because even stuck at home in quarantine, kids manage to get amazingly messy and they still create endless laundry. If you are lucky enough to have a business it may be managing employees from home, and if you are lucky enough to still have a job it may be simply showing up on time and getting your work done!  

Many have found themselves suddenly unemployed right now, wondering frantically how they are going to pay bills or take care of their family. I just saw an advertisement from a humane society in Nebraska (I live in California) begging people to adopt new pets because many people who have just been laid off cannot afford to take care of their animals anymore and are relinquishing them to the humane society.  

“How can I manage my sphere,” you may ask, “When I’m losing my job or my house or my pet… and when people I love may die?  How do I move forward under circumstances like these?”

The answer is to start small.  Manage Your Sphere… plus ONE extra thing means starting with what IS in your control… no matter how little it is.  Your small steps forward will lead to further steps… which will lead ultimately to big steps.  

You may not be able to manage COVID-19 or your financial future at this exact moment, but perhaps you CAN manage to do 10 pushups or 10 sit ups, right where you are.  You CAN manage to make your bed, brush your teeth, or put on clean clothing and make yourself something to eat. Start small, and manage what you can.  

Once you’ve managed your sphere, see if you can do ONE extra thing.  

What kind of an extra thing?  Well, how about some of these:  Send a kind text to a friend. Check on an elderly relative or neighbor.  Draw a picture with chalk (if you have it) on your driveway or sidewalk (if you have those) to brighten somebody’s day.  Post a photograph of something beautiful on a social network. Draw a message to yourself on your mirror of something positive - remind yourself that you have everything it takes to get through hard times.  Make a list of all of the tough things you’ve gotten through in the past.  

Lastly, capture all of the good and great things you are doing (no matter how small they are).  Keep track so that you can remind yourself of how capable you really are, even during super tough times.  Make a list of everything you manage to accomplish in your day - especially if/when you are feeling very badly!  There is no shame in writing down, “I got dressed today, made myself lunch and began to update my resume.” And if you can add ONE extra… such as, “At 5pm I called my grandfather to check in,” then you have truly won the day.

To recap, here are the 3 steps to follow with this strategy:

1. Manage your sphere - all that IS in your control, even if it’s not much.

2. Do ONE extra thing, for yourself or someone else!

3. Write it all down. Keep track of your successes.

Day by day, you are going to walk your way out of this COVID-19 crisis… and when you get to the other side, you are going to look back and realize that every single step forward and every “ONE extra” you did was not just necessary… it was also beautiful. 

Manage Your Sphere… plus ONE extra thing is how you will become the strong, successful future self that you are destined to be. 

Good luck and please keep me posted.  After publishing this blog I myself am going to go scrub a bathroom and make sure my 3 kids have finished their homework! 

What does it look like to manage your sphere?  What is your ONE extra thing today? Please post below, I’d genuinely love to know. 

Coronavirus worries? 5 Tips to Create and Maintain a Healthy Mindset!

“I can’t sleep at night,” Maria* tells me. “I am literally laying awake in my bed at night worrying about this coronavirus.”

“Why?” I ask. Maria is a newer client, so we are just getting to know each other.

“My brain won’t turn off,” she explains. “I keep thinking about my kids, wondering about Jon’s asthma. I feel like my mind is stuck. I’m stressed out about getting extra medical supplies, trying to make sure I will have everything he needs if the pharmacies run out ...or, worse, what I will do if he gets the virus.”

“What’s your main concern?”

“That I’m going to mess up. That I’m unprepared. What if this gets bad and something happens to one of them, or to me?  What if I haven’t done enough? What if one of us… (Maria lowers her voice nearly to a whisper)... dies?” Her eyes fill with tears.

“From everything I’ve read and heard, the virus does not seem to be affecting children that much,” I remind Maria. “Odds are good that your kids are going to be okay, even if they do get the virus. It seems to be impacting elderly people a lot more.”

“I know,” she nods, “But I’m still completely stressed out.”

“Let’s look at it a little more deeply. When you find yourself thinking that you or one of your kids might die from the COVID-19, what emotion do you feel?” 

“Devastated,” she admits.  “I feel helpless and sad.”

“Which one of those feelings is strongest?  Devastation, helplessness or sorrow?”

“I guess it’s helpless,” Maria says. “Helpless because this thing is out there and I can’t control it. I can’t stop it from coming to my city or my kids’ school or my house. I can’t stop it from affecting my family.”

Maria is not alone right now.  People all over the United States, and all over the world, are experiencing a similar sense of anxiety, stress and fear related to the spread of the Wuhan coronavirus.

When you turn on the news, it’s one of the top stories on radio stations and television. At dinners, parties or BBQs with friends, coronavirus is now a leading topic of discussion. Coronavirus anxiety is growing and spreading, just like the virus itself.  Maybe faster!

This kind of anxiety isn’t productive though, and it doesn’t actually help Maria or her son Jon to survive, let alone thrive, during a possible pandemic. 

Maria is ruminating, which is a way of describing the process of continuously thinking the same negative thoughts, over and over.  

Ruminating isn’t good for mental health.  It has been shown to prolong periods of depression and make it difficult for humans to think clearly and process information.  It can also make a person feel intensely alone and isolated. 

In a situation such as an international health crisis, worrying and ruminating are unlikely to help Maria to make decisions for herself and for her family from a calm and thoughtful place.  

“What would you like to be feeling right now?” I ask Maria.

“I’d love to feel prepared,” she sighed.  “Like, whatever happens, I’ve done my best.  I’d like to think, “I’ve got this.”

“Great,” I smile.  “If you really KNEW that you were as prepared as possible, what would you do?”

“I guess I would relax a little,” she says.  “I would spend time with Jon and my other kids, and really focus on enjoying my time with them. I would focus on just being a good mom.”

“I have great news,” I smile. “All of that is actually available to you… right now!” 

As we continue with our session I will help Maria delve more deeply into how her thoughts and feelings produce the actions that she takes and the results that she sees in her life.

I will show her how adapting her thinking and her focus can create relaxation and improved focus right in this exact moment.

I am also happy to share tools and strategies with Maria that can help her to turn down the volume of her anxiety so that she can actually enjoy her day and her relationships.

Here are some of the additional strategies I would share with Maria to help her decompress:

Make a plan. 

Instead of fixating on the problem, Maria and I can work together to develop a concrete plan that addresses the concerns that are keeping her up at night.  We can calendar the times when she will call the doctor for new prescriptions, drive to the pharmacy and pick up any supplies that little Jon may need.

Take action.

Maria can tackle every obstacle in her path as though it was an item on her “to do” list.  For example, “The doctor’s office never calls me back,” can become “I will call the doctor’s office on my morning break at 10:15 and leave a message.  If they do not call me back I will physically drive to the office on my lunch break and speak to them in person, to see about getting our prescriptions.”

Poke holes in automatic thought patterns.

Maria’s brain is convinced that scary thoughts like, “Jon may die from the coronavirus” may be a fact. Maria can poke holes in this kind of thinking by reminding herself that her son Jon is much more likely to stay healthy and survive it. As a child, his risk of having a severe case of COVID-19 is very low.  Maria can question her own anxious thoughts by asking herself, “Is that really true?” when she thinks about a possibility that is dark, scary or sad.

Meditate.

Meditating can be enormously helpful when it comes to ruminating.  When people find their minds overwhelmed with anxious thoughts that seem to repeat on a loop it’s useful to carve out 15 minutes to sit alone in a quiet space.  Focus only on breathing, in and out, and allow the brain to witness its thoughts without becoming emotionally involved with them. If Maria has trouble meditating, she can try using one of the many meditation apps on the market such as “Calm”.  

Exercise.

When humans exercise, chemicals in the brain called endorphins are produced.  Endorphins are not only natural painkillers but they also help people like Maria to sleep at night, which will also reduce her physical and mental stress.  Even just 5-10 minutes of doing any kind of aerobic activity has the capacity to reduce her level of anxiety. 

These techniques will help Maria to break her thought loops, and they can help you too!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As a life coach, I wear a lot of hats. Part of my job is helping my clients to achieve their goals… so if your biggest goal right now is to buy water and face masks, I can help you get organized and follow through on your desire to do that.  We can make a plan, and I will provide accountability and support.

However an even bigger part of what I do is clients look at their conscious and subconscious mindsets in order to figure out if their current way of looking at the world is constructive. 

Is your current thinking about COVID-19 helping you? Is it motivating you and making you feel calm and ready? Or is it making your day-to-day life harder, more uncomfortable or more painful?

Is there another way of looking at coronavirus that would be easier, gentler, more inspiring and more peaceful?  Is there a point of view that will help you move through your day and get things done without feeling devastated and exhausted? 

If you or someone you love has been feeling overwhelmed by feelings of panic and fear over the recent worldwide spread of the coronavirus, coaching can help in a variety of ways.  A good coach can teach you how to implement strategies in your own life that will create true mental and emotional health!

* * * * *

I coach by invitation or referral only. If you or someone you love are struggling with anxiety or stress over the COVID-19 outbreak, you may contact me to describe your situation and request an invitation.

Contact me at: hello@thinktothrivecoaching.com or click here.

*Name and identifying information has been altered to protect client anonymity. “Maria” is also a composite of multiple clients.