7 Things I Learned From A Year of Coaching Mothers

I took on my first coaching clients in November of 2019 and officially launched my business Think To Thrive Coaching in early 2020.  

At first, I coached anyone and everyone that expressed an interest in coaching, which was honestly very fun!  In a day full of calls I might find myself coaching everything from a client buying a house, to one struggling with a smoking addiction, to one trying to improve their relationship with their partner or child.  I was coaching everyone from teens to moms to retirees, both women and men!

As my coaching practice began to grow and I had to get more selective about which clients I would focus my time with, it became clear to me that there was a strong natural connection for me with mothers in midlife. We ‘get’ each other, there is a common language. We make a good match.

And that makes sense, right? Because I’ve been a mother myself for almost 16 years now (I’ve got 3 kids) and I’m 45 - smack dab in midlife! - so a lot of the things that mothers are going through (not just with their kids but in their lives) are things that I already have real experience with.

So when my client Genny* wanted to work on rebooting her career since her kids were in middle school and high school, I understood the anxiety and doubt she was wading through on her journey to discover who she is NOW. She wasn’t looking to remember who she was before she became a mom a long time ago. Genny already had plenty of training and education; she just didn’t feel like that old career was a good fit for her new self.

I understood this because I’d spent several years working through similar feelings, before I discovered that my decades of teaching children had prepared me perfectly to become a life coach!  I’d myself had lain awake at night with a lot of the same worries and ruminating thoughts that Genny was explaining to me on our calls.  Happily though, I’d come far enough down my own path toward clarity and fulfillment (and training!) that I knew how to help Genny along her own journey.  Which felt great!

My client Samantha* decided that she wanted to lose weight in honor of her 50th birthday, in order to feel more confident while entering her new decade. I could offer her so much more than just diet plans and lists of approved foods because I knew that mindset work is more crucial (and healthy!) for weight loss than calorie counting. As a 45 year old mom, I myself have walked in plus size pants before. I know firsthand what it felt like to be overweight (60 lbs overweight in my case!!!) and how shifting my mindset and beliefs finally helped me figure out how to lose that weight permanently. I felt so excited to help Samantha with her goal!

Then there was my client Alexis* who was going through a daily power struggle with her teenage daughter; and she came to our first sessions really suffering over the loss of the closeness they’d shared when her daughter was a little girl. Thanks to my training as a life coach I knew how to help Alexis identify which thoughts and feelings were keeping her up at night; and also how to move her thinking in a more constructive direction… so that she could show up more compassionately with her daughter, and begin to rebuild their connection from a calmer, more open place.

I could connect with Alexis because I myself have worked so hard to mend and heal power struggles with my own teens, so I understand how to ask moms tough but helpful questions and help them see how to improve the negative dynamics they are experiencing with their kids.

I don’t want to make it seem like I have first-hand experience with everything my mom clients go through… because that would be a lie! I have no firsthand experience with divorce, for example, or with raising children as a single parent. But I’ve coached plenty of clients in those situations too, and it has been inspiring to see some of them make amazing personal transformations.

Over time as I coached more and more I realized that many mothers are suffering from a few main pain points:

• “Mom Guilt”

• A fear that they are failing at life

• Disappointment

• Overwhelm

• Negative self-talk

• Feeling STUCK

This is why I decided to focus my coaching practice on helping mothers grow confident, courageous and healthy in the areas that matter to them most → their relationships, their bodies and (for some) their careers. 

After a year of coaching mothers there are seven things I have learned for sure:

1. Mothers are incredibly strong, and they often don’t realize their own inner strength. Sometimes it takes seeing their lives through a different lens for them to catch a glimpse of just how amazing they are and live into their potential.

2. Mothers - including stay at home mothers - absolutely have goals and dreams of their own. They want to get further education, buy houses, travel to cool places, start their own businesses, make their own money, and earn the respect of their friends, family and colleagues. Women don’t stop dreaming just because they become mothers! (They just put themselves on the backburner, sometimes.)

3. Mothers can be incredibly hard on themselves. Some moms are really practiced at feeling guilty and beating themselves up for circumstances that are (many times) out of their control, or even just for wanting to be more than ‘just a parent.’ These moms have an internal monologue (kind of like an inner ‘mean girl’) constantly telling them what they are doing wrong. This same voice does NOT tell them about all of the things they are doing well, by the way!

4. Mothers don’t always believe that they have what it takes to action their dreams; which is why they often put off trying. However, once they see that change IS actually possible for them, they can be tenacious about building new things.  Moms are resourceful. They are often excited about experimenting with new strategies and tools, doing their homework, and reporting back about their efforts!

5. Mothers need more REAL self-care. They don’t need fancy bath soaps or new perfume for their birthday nearly as much as they need to learn how to meet their deeper needs for emotional connection, quiet time, physical exercise, quality nutrition, spirituality and ample sleep. Repeat after me, mamas: SLEEP, NOT BATH SOAPS!

6. Mothers are powerful.  When a mother finds her “why” and makes a conscious decision that she is going to create a real change in her own life, there is almost nothing that she can’t do. My clients have already improved relationships, created healthier bodies that they are so proud of, gone back to school, started new jobs and made lots of steps toward big dreams. They’ve been doing all of this while also managing virtual school for their children and in many cases also taking care of their own parents or in-laws as well, during COVID. 

7. Mothers are inspiring. Every single mom I’ve been lucky to work with in the last year has ended up teaching me something about life that I wasn’t expecting. Like the mom that mentioned in our sessions about how important it is to hug our children every day; even when they are big teenage boys (like mine) that don’t particularly like hugging their mom. She was right; a 15 year old boy may go through his entire day without a kind physical touch and that in itself is not healthy. I’ll never forget that lesson! I hug my kids a lot more these days, and I can tell that it has made a difference.

After a year of coaching mothers I can confidently say, I am so excited to dive into year TWO!  I truly love my work and my clients. Out of all of the coaches in the world, I consider myself to be the luckiest, because I get to empower mothers with a deeper connection with themselves, more courage, self-confidence and wellness! #bestjobever

*Names and some identifying details changed for anonymity!