Freeing Yourself from the Imaginary Alternative to Live Fully NOW
Have you ever found yourself daydreaming about the future you might have had, if only something had happened differently in your past?
“If only I hadn’t broken up with my high school sweetheart, we might be married today with two kids!”
“If only I hadn’t dropped out of school, I might be making six figures!”
“If only I hadn’t gotten sick, we wouldn’t be in so much debt today!”
I like to call this kind of thinking, “The Imaginary Alternative.”
It seems so harmless, just a simple fantasy here and there about the WHAT IFs. Entire movies have been built around this concept, consider the romantic classic film Sliding Doors (1998) where if only Gwyneth Paltrow’s character had caught the train that day instead of missing it, her entire life trajectory would have been different.
People use imaginary alternatives as a way of comforting themselves during tough times, almost like a buffer from pain. They think, “If only X had happened, I bet I would be the amazing person now that I know deep down I am meant to be!”
Notably, fantasies about what could have been are almost always POSITIVE.
It’s pretty rare for one of my clients to think or express something like, “If I hadn’t met my husband, I might actually be desperately lonely today…” or, “If I hadn’t gotten to fill that prescription at the pharmacy, my daughter might actually not have recovered from her pneumonia and we could’ve had a terrible tragedy on our hands.”
Humans typically focus on how things in their real life aren’t perfect… and imagine how they could’ve been better. They don’t often consider that they may already be living in the best of all possible scenarios.
There can be a real downside to focusing on your Imaginary Alternative.
When you are busy thinking about all of the ways in which your life could have turned out better if you’d made a different choice in the past, you are neglecting yourself.
You are not focusing all of your energy on where you are RIGHT NOW. You are not fully investing in what you want to create IN THIS MOMENT.
That wife or girlfriend sitting at your kitchen counter is a person with whom you still have tremendous potential because the relationship is happening NOW.
When you’re busy fantasizing about a girl you dated 12 years ago rather than the actual human eating breakfast next to you, you lose out on the opportunity to make THIS relationship all that it can be.
You may also be giving up your power to own your results. Your past-focused thoughts hide the truth from you - that you have the ability at any moment to adopt new ideas, take new actions and build amazing new relationships and opportunities.
If you spend your time thinking sorrowfully about what you didn’t do, you rob yourself of the realization that you are fully in charge of how you show up in your own life and what you can do right now.
Who DO you want to be, today?
Is it productive for you to spend your day ruminating on the job you lost 3 years ago? Or do you want to work on finding new work, growing as a candidate, and moving forward?
If you could channel and focus all of your mental energy directly back into your life as it is now, what would you want to build? What would you want to change?
What would you CREATE if you could make anything possible for yourself?
The Imaginary Alternative will always be just that… imaginary. It’s make believe. It may feel good in the moment but it has no real constructive value in your life. Thinking about what ‘could have been’ may even take away from the quality of your present day, by making you feel nostalgic, sad or melancholy.
Luckily, life has a gift for you.
You have a new day right here. 24 hours of potential, unfolding right in front of you.
Everything that has happened in your life has led you to this moment, so that you can use it to forge a beautiful and amazing future.
It may be a cliche but there is real truth to this concept: “If you can dream it, you can do it.” No matter how old you are or what happened (or didn’t happen) in the past, you CAN start fresh… moving forward with your eyes not fixed on the hypothetical rearview mirror but instead on the HORIZON.
Do you have an imaginary alternative that you like to dream or ruminate about from time to time?
Does it take away from the quality of your day-to-day life?
Do you have trouble staying focused on the present?
Is it impacting your ability to create an inspiring and incredible future?
If you’d like to apply this concept to your REAL life, right now and need some help, support or teaching as you learn to manage your thinking and harness your own fantastic mental power, coaching can help!
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I coach by invitation or referral only. If you or someone you love would like to free yourself from your own ‘Imaginary Alternative’ and live an incredible life NOW, you may contact me to describe your situation and request an invitation.
Contact me at: hello@thinktothrivecoaching.com or click here.