Manage Your Sphere Plus ONE Extra Thing!

I haven’t seen my 82 year old mother in weeks now, even though she lives just 5 blocks away.  Ever since California Governor Gavin Newsom advised adults 65+ to stay at home, Mom has followed orders.

We speak every day on the telephone for up to an hour. Last week I ran an errand for her, and recently my brother brought groceries and left them outside of her door. A few days ago I walked to her house and we waved to each other and smiled, separated by the window. Keeping Mom safe during COVID-19 has become a central mission in my family… for the four of her children that remain, she is absolutely our national treasure.   

My big sister, a genius quilter and crafter, is busy sewing scores of face masks to donate to local hospitals.  Her washable cotton masks fit over the personal protective equipment (PPE) that doctors and nurses are legally required to wear - which they are quickly running out of - and will help those masks last longer.  It’s not a perfect situation but she was asked to do this by two of her close friends that are nurses. She is working hard and doing whatever she can to help!

I myself don’t have a sewing machine or fabric… however I too am focused on doing what I can. I’ve opened up a bunch of additional online session time slots to coach as many people as I can who need help or support right now; anyone dealing with anxiety or stress… plus anyone who wants to take this sudden, unexpected downturn in the economy as an opportunity to reinvent themselves and realize their life goals and dreams.  

It isn’t as practical as sewing face masks or delivering food to an Emergency Room (looking into how to do that!) but it’s something I can do right away to help. Several of my clients are physicians or nurses and it feels really good to offer emotional and psychological support to people who are marching off to the front lines of this battle with COVID-19 every day. If I can lighten their load even a tiny bit, that’s everything to me. I’m also making short inspirational videos and writing blog posts that can be passed around.  

The magnitude of COVID-19 may seem vast and overwhelming; but there is a very simple strategy that we can all follow, no matter who we are, to get the best results possible right now.  That strategy is called Manage Your Sphere… plus ONE extra thing.

“What’s my sphere?” you may ask, “And how do I manage it?”

Your sphere of influence is what you can actually see, touch and have an immediate effect upon. For many of us, that might be one room right now… one apartment.

Managing it might be simply washing up your dishes after you’ve made lunch. It could be doing laundry for your kids, because even stuck at home in quarantine, kids manage to get amazingly messy and they still create endless laundry. If you are lucky enough to have a business it may be managing employees from home, and if you are lucky enough to still have a job it may be simply showing up on time and getting your work done!  

Many have found themselves suddenly unemployed right now, wondering frantically how they are going to pay bills or take care of their family. I just saw an advertisement from a humane society in Nebraska (I live in California) begging people to adopt new pets because many people who have just been laid off cannot afford to take care of their animals anymore and are relinquishing them to the humane society.  

“How can I manage my sphere,” you may ask, “When I’m losing my job or my house or my pet… and when people I love may die?  How do I move forward under circumstances like these?”

The answer is to start small.  Manage Your Sphere… plus ONE extra thing means starting with what IS in your control… no matter how little it is.  Your small steps forward will lead to further steps… which will lead ultimately to big steps.  

You may not be able to manage COVID-19 or your financial future at this exact moment, but perhaps you CAN manage to do 10 pushups or 10 sit ups, right where you are.  You CAN manage to make your bed, brush your teeth, or put on clean clothing and make yourself something to eat. Start small, and manage what you can.  

Once you’ve managed your sphere, see if you can do ONE extra thing.  

What kind of an extra thing?  Well, how about some of these:  Send a kind text to a friend. Check on an elderly relative or neighbor.  Draw a picture with chalk (if you have it) on your driveway or sidewalk (if you have those) to brighten somebody’s day.  Post a photograph of something beautiful on a social network. Draw a message to yourself on your mirror of something positive - remind yourself that you have everything it takes to get through hard times.  Make a list of all of the tough things you’ve gotten through in the past.  

Lastly, capture all of the good and great things you are doing (no matter how small they are).  Keep track so that you can remind yourself of how capable you really are, even during super tough times.  Make a list of everything you manage to accomplish in your day - especially if/when you are feeling very badly!  There is no shame in writing down, “I got dressed today, made myself lunch and began to update my resume.” And if you can add ONE extra… such as, “At 5pm I called my grandfather to check in,” then you have truly won the day.

To recap, here are the 3 steps to follow with this strategy:

1. Manage your sphere - all that IS in your control, even if it’s not much.

2. Do ONE extra thing, for yourself or someone else!

3. Write it all down. Keep track of your successes.

Day by day, you are going to walk your way out of this COVID-19 crisis… and when you get to the other side, you are going to look back and realize that every single step forward and every “ONE extra” you did was not just necessary… it was also beautiful. 

Manage Your Sphere… plus ONE extra thing is how you will become the strong, successful future self that you are destined to be. 

Good luck and please keep me posted.  After publishing this blog I myself am going to go scrub a bathroom and make sure my 3 kids have finished their homework! 

What does it look like to manage your sphere?  What is your ONE extra thing today? Please post below, I’d genuinely love to know. 

Freeing Yourself from the Imaginary Alternative to Live Fully NOW

Have you ever found yourself daydreaming about the future you might have had, if only something had happened differently in your past?

• “If only I hadn’t broken up with my high school sweetheart, we might be married today with two kids!”

• “If only I hadn’t dropped out of school, I might be making six figures!”

• “If only I hadn’t gotten sick, we wouldn’t be in so much debt today!”

I like to call this kind of thinking, “The Imaginary Alternative.” 

It seems so harmless, just a simple fantasy here and there about the WHAT IFs.  Entire movies have been built around this concept, consider the romantic classic film Sliding Doors (1998) where if only Gwyneth Paltrow’s character had caught the train that day instead of missing it, her entire life trajectory would have been different.

People use imaginary alternatives as a way of comforting themselves during tough times, almost like a buffer from pain.  They think, “If only X had happened, I bet I would be the amazing person now that I know deep down I am meant to be!”

Notably, fantasies about what could have been are almost always POSITIVE.  

It’s pretty rare for one of my clients to think or express something like, “If I hadn’t met my husband, I might actually be desperately lonely today…” or, “If I hadn’t gotten to fill that prescription at the pharmacy, my daughter might actually not have recovered from her pneumonia and we could’ve had a terrible tragedy on our hands.”  

Humans typically focus on how things in their real life aren’t perfect… and imagine how they could’ve been better. They don’t often consider that they may already be living in the best of all possible scenarios.

There can be a real downside to focusing on your Imaginary Alternative.  

When you are busy thinking about all of the ways in which your life could have turned out better if you’d made a different choice in the past, you are neglecting yourself.

You are not focusing all of your energy on where you are RIGHT NOW. You are not fully investing in what you want to create IN THIS MOMENT.

That wife or girlfriend sitting at your kitchen counter is a person with whom you still have tremendous potential because the relationship is happening NOW.

When you’re busy fantasizing about a girl you dated 12 years ago rather than the actual human eating breakfast next to you, you lose out on the opportunity to make THIS relationship all that it can be.

You may also be giving up your power to own your results.  Your past-focused thoughts hide the truth from you - that you have the ability at any moment to adopt new ideas, take new actions and build amazing new relationships and opportunities.  

If you spend your time thinking sorrowfully about what you didn’t do, you rob yourself of the realization that you are fully in charge of how you show up in your own life and what you can do right now.

Who DO you want to be, today?

Is it productive for you to spend your day ruminating on the job you lost 3 years ago? Or do you want to work on finding new work, growing as a candidate, and moving forward?

If you could channel and focus all of your mental energy directly back into your life as it is now, what would you want to build?  What would you want to change?  

What would you CREATE if you could make anything possible for yourself? 

The Imaginary Alternative will always be just that… imaginary. It’s make believe. It may feel good in the moment but it has no real constructive value in your life. Thinking about what ‘could have been’ may even take away from the quality of your present day, by making you feel nostalgic, sad or melancholy.  

Luckily, life has a gift for you.

You have a new day right here. 24 hours of potential, unfolding right in front of you.  

Everything that has happened in your life has led you to this moment, so that you can use it to forge a beautiful and amazing future.  

It may be a cliche but there is real truth to this concept: “If you can dream it, you can do it.”  No matter how old you are or what happened (or didn’t happen) in the past, you CAN start fresh… moving forward with your eyes not fixed on the hypothetical rearview mirror but instead on the HORIZON.  

• Do you have an imaginary alternative that you like to dream or ruminate about from time to time?  

• Does it take away from the quality of your day-to-day life?

• Do you have trouble staying focused on the present?

• Is it impacting your ability to create an inspiring and incredible future?  

If you’d like to apply this concept to your REAL life, right now and need some help, support or teaching as you learn to manage your thinking and harness your own fantastic mental power, coaching can help!

* * * * *

I coach by invitation or referral only. If you or someone you love would like to free yourself from your own ‘Imaginary Alternative’ and live an incredible life NOW, you may contact me to describe your situation and request an invitation.

Contact me at: hello@thinktothrivecoaching.com or click here.