Let Go Lightly
“Hold on tightly, let go lightly.”
There’s a funny story that a dear friend of mine used to share about me; or rather about something that happened during my junior year of high school. A bunch of us had gone together to see some kind of musical or show in the school’s auditorium. I was seated next to a boy that I’d dated for about 5 months but who had broken up with me at the start of the new school year.
“Every time I looked over,” my friend chuckled, “Andrea would be leaning a little bit toward Samuel*... and Samuel would be leaning a little bit further away from Andrea.”
My friend then held up his hands in parallel to show each of his palms starting to lean gradually to the left in unison, as a visual explanation.
When he recounted this story to our friends we all laughed hysterically - me included - but deep down I felt embarrassment and shame. I knew my friend’s story was true. I was smart enough to recognize that I was obviously holding on to a past relationship that didn’t want to be held!
Everyone around me could see that it was way past time for me to let go. I could see it too! I just didn’t know how.
Learning how to let go lightly is a skill you can develop over time and it begins with your thoughts.
There are so many reasons why people don’t let go of things. Inside of their own brains, those reasons usually make sense, too!
Junior year of high school was several decades ago now but I can still remember my 16 year old brain thinking, “I miss being Samuel’s girlfriend.” That thought made sense to me at the time and, since the feeling that accompanied it was yearning, I leaned toward Samuel in the auditorium without even meaning to!
People of all ages hold on to lots of things tightly… way beyond just their past relationships.
They hold onto:
jobs that bring them stress
sorrows that bring them pain
fears that hold them back
beliefs that they were raised with
self-hate about their own bodies
prejudices
possessions they don’t need
the need to be right
dreams that didn’t come true
children that are ready to grow up
A lot of times humans actually KNOW that they should let go. Their reasons for holding on can always be found in thought errors (flawed reasoning or rationalization).
They think thoughts like:
“I hate this job... but if I quit, I may never find a better one.”
“I wish I could fly to Japan... but I’m too scared that the airplane will crash.”
“If I break up with him... my family will never forgive me.”
“I don’t really like playing football anymore... but if I quit, my Dad will kill me.”
“I’d love to stop drinking on weekends... but if I do my friends won’t want to hang out with me!”
“I know my son Danny is seventeen now... but he’s still too young to date.”
Even though all of these are just thoughts, they seem real to the people who are thinking them. You may have friends that confide in you and share thoughts just like these. They’ll tell you their thinking calmly and emphatically, or really seriously, just like they’re reading you the news!
They don’t even realize that these are just projections, imaginings or opinions. They think they are just telling you THE FACTS!
Thoughts like these can be SO strong that people hold onto all kinds of other humans, behaviors and situations WAY PAST when it’s time to let go. They hold on even when they know they shouldn’t… that the behavior is not constructive and not moving them forward into a life that they actually WANT to choose!
Letting go lightly is an art form. It requires trust, self-confidence, faith… and, a lot of times, self-love. To let go lightly, a person has to dig deep and truly believe in themselves.
It often also means that they have to address their own deep-seated fears and anxieties head-on.
Letting go lightly looks more like this:
“I am scared to quit this job but I truly believe I will figure things out and find a better one.”
“I am scared to fly to Japan, but I know that I will be so proud of myself and so excited when I get to Tokyo.”
“If I break up with him, my family may be upset but I know we will all get through it and be okay.”
“I don’t like playing football. My Dad may be upset at first, but I believe he will come to understand and we will build a strong relationship in a different way.”
“I’d love to stop drinking on weekends, and I have faith that I’ll still have a ton of friends - even if I need to go out and make some new ones!”
“My son Danny is 17 and I’m scared that he’ll get hurt or make a mistake but deep down I know he’s ready to decide for himself if he wants to date anybody.”
This kind of thinking is not automatic for any of us but, with focus and practice, humans can get really good at letting go when it’s time to do so.
In summary, the thoughts you choose to think on a daily basis can either make letting go really easy for you, or really hard.
Is there anything (or anyone!) that you are holding onto that you know you need to let go of? If your answer is YES, try answering the following questions for yourself:
What are 3 great reasons why I should trust and believe in myself today?
What’s a good way that I can show love and compassion to myself in this moment?
What are the fears I will need to overcome to finally let this go?
Your answers to these questions will help you to understand yourself better, relax, and move forward.
Holding on tightly isn’t a requirement of life, it’s usually just a reaction. You can actually train your brain to let go lightly, and chances are that you’ll feel SO much better when you do!
* * * * *
I coach by invitation or referral only. If you or someone you love are struggling to let go of something or someone, you may contact me to describe your situation and request an invitation.
Contact me at: hello@thinktothrivecoaching.com or click here.
*Name changed for anonymity