“My Heart Seriously EXPLODES When I See That Smile!”

How your thoughts determine who you love.

Today I’d like to talk to you about love and attraction.

The concept I’d like to share with you is how your thoughts are related to the love that you feel, the love you give, and the love you choose to keep in your life.

Most of us are raised to believe in fairy tales. 

People believe that love happens to us magically… that we don’t have any control over who we love (or who we don’t love). 

“It just happens,” you may tell your friends. “I can never predict when it will happen or who it will happen with… love is mysterious and almost supernatural!”

This is not actually true though.

We can choose who we want to love, because we can choose the thoughts we have about other people.

You may be thinking, “Andrea, that’s crazy!  I can’t choose to be interested in that big goofball of a guy/girl that keeps showing up at my desk at lunch!  I’m totally not attracted to them!”

The funny thing is that both love and attraction are all based upon your thoughts.

The things you think about this person determine your attraction to them.  “What a funny, unattractive goofball,” you say, and BAM - you’ve just thrown them deep into the friend-zone.

That thought sure didn’t create any attraction inside your brain or body for this funny, goofy person. 

Maybe you have feelings instead for the “bad boy/girl” at the office… the unpredictable person that everyone is talking about.  “I never know what they’re going to do,” you think. “And gosh. EVERYONE likes them. My best friend has a crush on them too!” That thought makes the person seem more desirable; less available, less controllable… almost unattainable.  

“That person is SO exciting,” you say. “I wonder if they’re single? I wonder if they could ever like me?”

You see, we do choose who we want to love.

“NO,” you tell me, “It doesn’t work that way, Andrea,” and then you launch into a lengthy discussion of pheromones and science.

Let me clear that right up.

It’s true to a degree.  You CAN have an amazing physical rush from the pheromones of another human.  You may definitely think, “Wow, they smell so good!” or “He/she is so HOT!”

However, if a police officer knocked on your door 10 minutes later and told you that this same gorgeous guy or gal you’re lusting over is actually a serial killer and you’re next on their list, I can guarantee you that your powerful attraction to them would evaporate. Poof! Gone.  

(Replaced, probably, by terror!)

What changed?  Their pheromones?  Nope. Their looks and charm?  The way they crack a smile? Nope.

The thing that changed was your thought about them.  

Have you ever noticed that over time one person can become more and more beautiful to you, while another person can become less and less attractive?

It’s all about your thoughts.  As you get to know a person you make little adjustments. 

“That person in my math class is so intelligent and funny,” you may one day think.  “I wonder why I never noticed before that they have a beautiful smile?”

“I used to think that bartender was great,” you may slowly realize, “But now I find him/her so annoying.  They’re not really that attractive, either. What was I thinking!?!”

You have a tremendous amount of choice and power when it comes to who you love.

This is so freeing and liberating. 

Have you ever said, “I wish I could love ________.  He/she is like family to me. Sadly, I’m just not attracted to them.”  

It’s not the person though that you’re not attracted to. You’re not attracted to the thoughts you have about them. 

“They’re SO NICE,” you may think, and then wonder why you feel zero attraction.

Have you ever considered that, “They’re so nice,” doesn’t actually create attraction for you?

To change the level of attraction, you need to change the thought.

“HOW?” you ask. 

Well… try these on for size.  

• “I’m learning to believe that nice people can also be attractive.”

• “I think a good sense of humor is a real turn-on.”  

• “I love me a reliable, kind human.”

• “Intelligence is HOT!”  

• “You know… Dorkiness is actually kind of adorable.”

• “Those blue eyes are really sparkly.”

So, it’s time to get clear with yourself about the power your thoughts have over your relationships, attractions and feelings.

In Bridget Jones’s Diary, Bridget suddenly realizes that she finds ‘boring’ businessman Mark Darcy very attractive, even more so than the ‘dangerous’ cad Daniel Cleaver. Everything shifts for her.

In an instant the reliable, stable character with dry wit has rocketed out of the friend zone to become the romantic hero.  “Nice boys don’t kiss like that,” she says… but Mark proves once again that her thought is not a fact.

Everyone wins!  Bridget has chosen happiness and created love by changing her thoughts.

You get to choose your own happy ending too!